Welcome to the GW11 REVIEW – My name is Mark and I am a FFUK addict.
Many years ago, as a fresh faced and fancy free young man, I picked up a copy of the Times and saw a new venture – Fantasy Football, that sounds fun I thought little did I know that here began my journey, my descent into madness. I was a user.
Fast forward a few years later and I was looking at the league table any moment I could, no matter where I was or what I was doing. I soon found out that many of those around me were doing the same and taking hits. Hits looked fun, I thought I would try it, I thought my friends are taking hits it cant be that bad! The first time I took a hit I didn’t like it, I did it to fit in. Now they rule my life.
I am an ordinary guy with an extraordinary addiction: fantasy football. My addiction was so intense that it seemed as if my whole world revolved around it.
Fast forward to today and I am now a shell of a man.
My wife, Cat, often feels like a fantasy football widow. Date nights have turned into hours of me checking my phone for live updates and shouting excitedly about an assist that happened in some obscure game. Dinner is burned and left uneaten, my wife goes to bed an empty look in her eyes, I don’t care, its deadline day tomorrow and I have important decisions to make.
My friends have not been spared from this obsession either. They received a barrage of potential team line ups, substitutions and analysis, often bombarded with messages about potential lineup changes at odd hours of the night. “Guys, I’ve figured it out! I’m about to make the ultimate transfer that will give me 12 points more over the next 4 gamesweeks” These were the texts they’d receive at 2 a.m., leaving my friends wishing for the simpler times when they could discuss movies and life, not just stats and potential points over the next 4 week period.
My family avoid me at weekends as I wander around the house not speaking and glued to the results. I don’t talk anymore I just grunt ,I think I agreed to help my mother in law clean out her pond last weekend, I’m not going to, I’ll let her down because one, I just don’t have the energy for things outside FFUK and two things outside FFUK don’t mean anything to me, they have lost their sparkle and so I fear, have I.
My life has became a rollercoaster of emotions dictated by goals, assists, and injury reports. Celebrations erupt with every successful pass and goal, while poor weeks lead to a mini-mourning periods where I will contemplate the universe, my team’s strategy and if there is any point to anything anymore.
Weeks like this do not help, what an absolute shambles that was. If its any consolation its probably a good week to have a bad week. No-one did well, top score in FFUK was 54 with Chris Brophy (116th) leading the FFUK field but only sixteen (16) of us managed more than 40 points! Lets just try and put it down to “one of those weeks” and see if some stats cheer us all up.
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Above we can see confirmation of Chris Brophy’s majestic week whilst we can all sympathise with man like Dips’ struggles this week, 14 points seeing him fall 38 places in the only league that matters. Sorry bro but I think you may feature in this review later too. You can also see the curse of the most transferred in player striking again as Jurgen benched Tsimikas (1) leaving plenty of managers cursing their luck as Liverpool struggled against Luton, shoulda played him Jurgen! Haaland (1) failed as a captain, Salah (2) failed as a Captain and so did “he’s not that sort of player” Son (2).
FFuking Dickheads!
Here we look at the best players from this week – “who are ya, who are ya” I had a grand total of zero in my team I hope you fared better. On a different note Chelsea fans must be happy to see Jackson (22) finding the back of the net. Yeah it was against a nine man spurs team who thought it a good idea to sit on the halfway line but hey he still had to put them away. Is he an option now?
I’m joking of course, he is almost as bad as the Chelsea team he is spearheading, he is a great option against zero at the back though!.
As this was such a poor week for everyone there is not a lot of movement at the top. Jason Beale (1st) still leading the way and still well inside the top 50 on the planet – Bealer is fast writing himself into FFUK folklore, will it be a triumphant tale or one that could have been? Jason the ending, happy ever after or otherwise is up to you.
After lasts weeks carnage I’m sure we were all looking forward to a more relaxing week in the conts – the low scoring did not help at all! Dips Shah its been a pleasure but mate 14 points? Sorry but you are a ghost around these parts. good luck with all your future endeavours fantasy or otherwise.
I am also on Roywatch this week (#bemoreroy #timetogofullroy?) the Conts legend had a conservative week. 8 transfers and only minus 28 and still in the competition, there is a fine line between madness and genius and I think Roy is showing us all there is more than one way to skin a cat.
That’s all from me, id just like to add that I stand with Arteta, VAR is a shambles (mostly when it FFUKS my team).
One Love,
Mark T
I Admire Its Purity (3rd)
FFUK 