Welcome to the GW31 Review.

Panic/Don’t Panic*

*delete as appropriate

I’m panicking. With only 7 gameweeks left of the season I am now firmly at the wrong end of page 1. I’ve done an Arsenal and crumbled just as the pressure was building up. I should probably walk at the end of the season, but I am stubborn and I think I know best so will go through it all again next time round. However pride now kicks in and I will do my level best to stay on Page 1. I will never hear the end of it otherwise. There is always something to play for in this game.


Ashley Barnes – how could anyone resist?

With the gameweeks coming thick and fast right now, it is not just the streets of London and Birmingham where panic can be found. I found myself far from either of the 2 major cities with time to deliberate on Tuesday pre-deadline. I had already moved out the injured Mane and bought in Sanchez. One less thing to panic about. But as the deadline approached rumours circulated about various players (all of which I seemed to own) who could miss out. Valencia, Llorente and Defoe were the names I was hearing so I sought an exit plan. Panic set in. I looked and could swap Defoe for Ashley Barnes and that would allow me to upgrade Llorente to Ibra for the weekend. Who is Ashley Barnes I hear you cry… apart from being one of the cheapest forwards in the game he is also a rather dashing chap – As evidenced in the photo above. Perfect – what could go wrong. Just in case I did a bit of internet based research and ended up on various Burnley forums that all said that he could be dropped as he had been poor in recent weeks. I panicked again. My perfect plan could be foiled. It was now 6.30pm, 15 minutes until deadline. I was confident I would struggle to get 11 out so in effect a hit was only worth 2 points or so I told myself. My defence needed attention too. But time was ticking. I couldn’t pick a Boro def as they were all injured. 6.40pm. 5 minutes left of pure panic and I somehow settled on a Hull defender as they were cheap and had ok fixtures – forgetting I had the Hull keeper already I went for Andrew Robertson over Maguire, it was 50/50 but Robertson had good stats recently. Boom done. 6.45pm deadline passed. I could breathe again. Panic over… for a bit.

Hull’s Andrew Robertson (apparently) in action


The games came and went. But rather than go over old news or rehash some pundits words lets move quickly on to the FFUK league and the top 50 in particular and see what the gameweek had to offer after all its not long until we do it all again this weekend.

Screenshot 2017-04-06 at 4.39.28 PM
Screenshot 2017-04-06 at 4.39.37 PM

Our fearless leader goes from strength to strength extending his lead over Sean Colohan (2nd) to 31 points and moving up to 138th in the World! Wowzers. Jamie Vardy (9) was the 3rd most popular captain pick and was certainly one of the better selections. But the big question remains: Who exactly is the illusive Nick Johns (1st)? All Pete and I know at the moment, is that he’s a friend of one last season’s runner up and one of our agents, Lester Deeble (11th) but that is it. Before we put the feelers out, Nick if you are reading this or if you are a friend of Mr Johns please get in touch and say hi.

GW31 STATS – Big thanks to Steve Cronin (71st)

Elsewhere in the top 10 there were other decent scores among our big boys but none better than Neil Freeland (3rd) who managed to get 76 points, this was a lot to do with the fact that he went with Hazard (13) captain, one of only 3 in the league to do so. Great pick Neil, I wish I was as confident as you in Chelsea’s performances! In fact Mr Freeland only required the services of 9 men to get his score which is even more remarkable. Fair play to you! Incredibly his midfield accounted for 65 of his points as Eriksen (13), Alli (12), Coutinho (7) and King (7) all weighed in heavily.


Speaking of heavyweights I notice a little trio of experienced heads just outside of the top 10 including the aforementioned Lester, Jamie Stewart (12th) and Neil Stewart (13th). Make sure those of you above don’t slip up because they are sure to capitalise on any mistakes.

Big round of applause to the top scorer in the top 50 – Matthew McKenna (39th) with 78 points, flying past me in the process. Well played sir! Another with Vardy (9) captain Matt was also happy to rely on a steady stream of points from Aguero (8), Alli (12), Coutinho (7), Keane (9) and Hazard (13). Great timing to produce a gameweek like this, who know how far up the league McKenna can get with weeks like this.

Leicester City's Jamie Vardy celebrates scoring their second goal with team mates
Someone’s having a Party

That’s the top dealt with, now time to look at those less well off. Ugh. Its a sorry state of affairs and I include myself in this rabble.

Worst score this week goes to a former league winner, Allan Tomkins (40th) with just 32 points accrued showing even the very best fall upon hard times. He went with the most popular captaincy pick Sanchez (3) who only returned a clean sheet, not enough. 39 FFUKers got it wrong there. What made it worse was that Coutinho (7) and Son (7) were the only ones to offer any resistance. Allan I share your frustration right now.

Not much better off was Tom Aitchison (47th) with just 36 points. Another with Alexis (3) captain (a common theme amongst the low scorers). Only Vardy (9) and King (7) remembered to turn up for Zenit Meatrack.

Tom wasn’t alone thought. I wont dwell much longer on this apart from to say that the Average score this week was 45 points so the following names were all below average which for the top 50 is actually more like being below below average (it’s not always good to get a mention). Hang your heads in shame (not literally of course) Dean Collins (45th), Stuart Newton (22nd), Myself (46th), Mark Ford (18th), Mark Leatham (19th), Josh Kelly (44th), Loz Kelly (43rd), John McHugh (36th), Darren McEown (32nd), Chris Norman (30th), Don Macaulay (27th), Daron Russell (25th) and Andy Jackson (14th)

Thank FFUK we dont have to wait too long to right the wrongs of GW31. Panic Over.

Sanchez frustrated
There are some FFUKers who want a word with you…

One thought on “GW31 REVIEW – PANIC

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