As I pen this blog I’m struggling to start it with anything other than a heartfelt thanks to Chris & Pete for all their work and effort in making our FFUK Odysseys all the more engaging and interesting. It’s a testament to what they do that there are people in this league who I call mate on WhatsApp and chat to via DM that I’ve never met! Apologies I won’t make the End of Season Do, would have been good to call a few of you C bombs to your face for a change 🙂 But please join me in raising a glass to Bert & Ernie and saying thanks lads and keep up the good work, can’t wait for next season already.
So, where was I? Ohh yes, the FFUK Blog!!! – it was the famous American Judge and legal heavy weight Oliver Wendal-Holmes who said “Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions” Clearly that dude never played FFUK. If there is ever a game that challenges sanity, experience and fool hardy decision-making then its this little beauty we lovingly call Fantasy Football. I know the rage transfer isn’t the right move, I know a -12 rarely reaps rewards, I know to follow form and stick with class if say Aguero, Kane or Sanchez have a couple of quiet games yet all this experience and sane decision making (brain expansion) goes out the window, more often than not on a Friday or Saturday night when I’m nuts deep into my 2nd bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape – but hey ho!
I was tempted to discuss players and their impact to my mainly Page 3 season but listening to my GW38 review will interest few I’m sure. So let’s talk FFUK people. I’m gonna start with Leicester Dribble (4th), the line dancing bellend with a memory like Dory from Finding Nemo, how in God’s name that boy gets out of bed in the morning never mind win highest GW score 2 years running and constantly finishes in the top 5 is beyond my comprehension!! But well done Sir, impressive work and small compensation for being a Watford fan I suppose. Pete “it’s a FIX” Cronin (7th) who did a Jose and excelled in the cups and crawled into 7th. Chris Galloway (27th) – you’re sat in mid-Page 1-table obscurity with the likes of Orange McEwan (31st) and Bakes, AKA Paul Baker (40th) AKA Mc Hammer
The metrosexual couple Right Said Fred re-confirmed their FF pedigree with Jamie Stewart AKA Countdown winning the battle of the bald Neville’s in 6th and Neil Stewart (er kid) who is basically FF royalty still contributing with a healthy 26th and by contributing I mean beating Chris.
But the peoples favorites of this league has to be Coolers (Sean Colohan 2nd) who went from something like 102nd last year to 2nd this year! The Ugly Cast Away C bomb who has an attitude like the Black Knight from The Holy Grail, has done an amazing job, last season everyone felt so sorry for him Nick Knowles nearly came around and fixed his house up whilst he was on an away trip with Shaftesbury FC – how times have changed and he was within a few points of the title, unlucky fella but what a journey.
This then leads me onto Scott Volker AKA the Phoenix (52nd), a valiant cup run and respectable almost Top 50 finish all from a -56pt start when the melt thought he’d hit his WC button – but didn’t 🙂 what an effort from a considerable handicap just faded at the end their Scott!.
The season did not go without controversy either, midway through the season Daron Russell AKA the Mockney Manc Vlog King (who squeezed into Page 1 – (48th)) lost his dummy and left us for a week or so but came back strong and took £40 of JPC (79th) in the process. In fairness his Vlogs are top drawer and we love you Daz!
I hope Jimmy didn’t have the same side bet going with his son Tom (12 years old) who finished in a very respectable 85th (well done Tommy), again shattering Mr Wendal-Holmes famous quote! Anyway – Then there was Sam Blake AKA Blakey (44th) who bucked the trend of the WhatsApp group and contributed useful information throughout the season… Shocking behavior! I have to also give a shout out to Tom Aitchison who was one of my intro’s to the league who actually beat me (47th) you would have been blackballed next year if you hadn’t also beaten the Mockney Manc Vlog King!!
Talking of controversy it would be remiss not to mention Mr Hot Tub himself Bealer AKA Jason Beal (77th) the Tom Daly look alike who managed to take himself out of the hot tub and shower and be really average at FF… I hear he has a private number plate that is JT GI66S, lock up your wives and daughters (And Gran)! Stu Allen (16th) won the award for arriving late to every conversation and most constant use of the C bomb, you can respond much later Stu…. But lets talk Predator football boots and I’ll raise you with Lotto Donadoni’s.
As Eminem said – this review feels so empty without me! My season, started badly, continued badly but like Michael Corleone in Godfather 3 “just when I thought I was out, they do something to drag me back in!!!”
I soldiered on and ended up OK, salvaging a snippet of self-respect (62nd) and enjoyed a battle with Steve Cronin, the brains and looks of the family, (60th), But I can’t write this blog without a massive congratulations to Nick Johns (1st) who won the league and finished in the TOP 500 ON THE PLANET – WOW!
So in the words of Coolio as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I take a look at my life and realize….
“There is always next year my friends”
(I couldn’t be an LFC fan and not get that line in somewhere).
Let’s hope next year we have the chance to choose from Mbappe, Aubameyang, Neymar and the like, and that the Premier League strengthens to give us more choice, headaches, frustrations, flukes, ecstasy, despair, embarrassment (that’s a GW score in the 20’s btw!) and most of all top quality banter, fun competition and a way to trick us into thinking we still having an involvement in this, the most beautiful of games!.
To anyone I didn’t mention, I’m sorry, but……. there is always next year.
Its been emotional and I’ve loved every second!
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