Good day FFUKers, it’s Pete in the seat and I’m ready for some beats.

Well that was a pretty troublesome end to the month for many, especially a certain North London team who were beaten twice by City by 3 goals. A double triple if you will. A trio brace? A brace trio? Sorry that doesn’t really work. A pair of hat tricks? Oh that’s just misleading. Basically Arsenal lost. City won, twice, and by 3 goals. Did I already say that?

Here’s the Beastie Boys:

My own triple was welcomed as this is the first time I’ve owned Firmino in his current spell of form, and as I already own both Salah and Mane this makes for a mighty risky triple-up of attacking players from a single side. Now this is great when it works, but dire when it goes wrong, so I was glad that Salah (10), Mane (7), and Firmino (8) all came away with decent points as Liverpool hammered the Hammers 5-1.

Liverpool v West Ham United - Premier League

My other triple didn’t fare quite so well. Owning 3 Burnley players hasn’t always been easy especially as I had to wait about three months for the beautiful Stephen Ward to return from injury. Still, he was back this weekend and Burnley almost got a clean sheet. The 90th minute equaliser from Gabbiadini (8) (of all people) cost me 14 points I reckon from Ward (2), Pope (3) and Gudmunsson (2). Burnley have a habit of giving away their cleanies at the last minute and I’ve seen it happen many times this season. Hopefully they can manage one versus an Everton side that are struggling for goals at the moment.


Elsewhere it was all pretty meh. United managed to scrape a win versus the Blues and Brighton pulled out a decent win.

So it was a tight gameweek in the FFUK League, the game average of 49 compares to an FFUK average of 52.5. With a high score of 77 from Robert Browne (134th) we can easily see that this was not a high scoring week, and so movements were minimal. Only 5 players in the League (and none in the Top 50) scored 70 or over. However, that score of 77 was enough for Robert to also top the monthly score for February with a score of 277. Well done, Robert, your name is on the leaderboard.


Screenshot 2018-03-02 at 11.24.32 AM

In terms of the league table, no major changes at the top, Jamie Stewart (1st) retains his position at the summit and a 40 point buffer. I say no major change but John Harper (2nd) has sneaked into second, his 64 scored was enough to push him past Dan McBrearty (3rd) who could only manage 48. Watch out for Paul Browne (4th) who is coming up on the rails after registering 69 points in a low scoring gameweek.

Next up lets assess the best and the rest from the FFUK league, who are the HEROES and ZEROES?

hero to zero
Who is UP who is DOWN?

First the HEROES, these 3 rose higher away from TROUBLE than any other FFUKer this week:

  • Robert Browne (134th) rose 17 places scoring an impressive 77 points. BRAVO
  • Stu Allen (65th) rose 14 places after scoring 71 points
  • Rachel Lynch (140th) rose 14 places after scoring 70 points

Now its time for the ZEROES, these 4 fell further into TROUBLE than any other FFUKer

  • Nick Boorman (158th) fell 20 places after scoring just 28 points
  • Alaistair McNeil (92nd) fell 12 places after scoring 32 points
  • Ryan White (85th) fell 11 places with 37 points
  • James Page-Chatton (109th) fell 11 places with 44 points

Chin up Zeroes, we go again tomorrow!


Eviction notice


The Conts League appears to be increasingly brutal as the weeks pass, and it could be said that this week purely came down to the omission of Mr Raheem Sterling (0). This injury threw a massive spanner in. We heard of a suspected injury the day before deadline while knowing that it was still almost a week before City were due to play Arsenal. But he didn’t play, and the rest of the high owned City players did, Aguero (5) and Otamendi (5) both securing returns. Arsenal literally trodden into the pitch by the Cityzens for the second time in a week.

But this was very bad news for Coolers (8th), who was relying on Sterling for his place in the Conts, Otamendi’s cleany was enough to save Blakey (10th) and Baker (15th). So congratulations to you two and the rest of the FINAL 10 in the Conts League. Things will start getting interesting now as we will see the final 10 teams seriously challenged. The gap between Coolers score of 48 and the highest score of 64 from John Harper (2nd), was just 16 points. Eleven teams and just 16 points between them = tighter than a nun with lesbian tendencies.

28 have now left the Conts. The FINAL 10 remain.   

Ok FFUKers, we arent done yet… it’s now time for a quick Cupdate. Are you ready?


The FFUK Cup and The Challenge Cup

Tales of woe seem to run throughout this review, a lot of FFUKers finding themselves in trouble. Coolers (8th) was in trouble here. James Page-Chatton (109th) was in trouble. Commiserations to you both, and to Richard Harrison (33rd), to James Amar (9th), Alexander Thomas (132nd), John Harper (2nd), and everyone else who got knocked out of the Cups. Yes, that’s right, even 2nd place in the league can get knocked out, on this occasion by Paul Browne (4th) who was one of the highest scorers for February. It’s not easy boys, don’t blame yourselves.

So let’s have a little bit of Coldplay and wallow in the pain of being knocked out of the Cup. A special commiserations to Martin Whitlock (39th) who played his triple captain card on Salah and still didn’t make it. This song’s for you Martin.

Anyway. Wahey! Congratulations to everyone who did get through, you made the FFUKing Quarter Finals and should be now getting your eyes firmly on the prize. You are just two fixtures away from the FINAL and PRIZE MONEY so I suggest you re-adjust your goggles, it may be time to take this seriously.

All fixtures have been updated on the Challenge Cup page and I guess that means we just have the small matter of the FFUK Cup draw to sort out. This will be with you all later on the WhatsApp/Facebook groups – keep an eye open for that one!

And that’s it from me, just enough time to work out whether I should take some hits this week to ensure my Conts League success. It’s getting to that stage in the season when we have to think about what we’re playing for, and for me, priority 1 is the Conts League. Messrs Galloway (61st) and Stewart (24th) (the other bald one), please do not forget that our £30 bet is priority number 2 for me and that cash is firmly within my grasp.

I won’t forget.

Adios for now!

Pete Cronin (75th)



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