Hello fellow FFUKers I trust you are all well and tinkering away with ideas nicely during the international break.
To help with the lack of FPL action I thought I’d raise the topic of TRANSFERS as food for thought during this lean and baron period!
Transfers are clearly the corner-stone of success or indeed failure within this beautifully frustrating game we put ourselves through on a weekly basis. Chips can often act as a boost but it’s transfers that are the engine room of your season! Now I’m not going to dedicate my time advising on transfer policies, as quite frankly I’m not that good and it’s too tough a job to predict. Instead, if I may, I’ll take some of your time to categorise FPL transfers and ask the simple question:
HOW MANY OF THESE APPLY TO YOU?
1. The Crazy 8 – I’ve started with this one as I’m sure a few people invested in this transfer category last week. It’s when you see a player and fixture so nailed on that you need to make 3 transfers (ergo a -8 point hit) to accommodate the sure thing – mentioning no names Harry Kane!
2. The Defamation of Strickland Banks – This is when you don’t have enough money for the move you want to make so you go for Plan B (see what I did there) and pull of an absolute blinder, far out scoring your more expensive plan.
3. The Berbatov! Long standing Conts will be familiar with how badly scarred I’ve been by Dimitar Berbatov, this transfer is when you’ve had what should be a high scoring player as your captain for 5 weeks and pretty much blanked so you don’t just take the arm band off, you ship him out 5 mins before deadline – only for said Bulgarian Manc bastard to score 5 v Fulham that very same afternoon – Come on we’ve all got our own Berbatov we’ve required counseling over!
4. Chasing the Dragon – this is when some random has a blinder early on in the season, you’ve already made a transfer but get him in for one more hit in the hope of getting high….er up the league. Chasing the Dragon usually ends in at best tears and worst broken homes and lives!
5. The Curse of the IB – you have planned a transfer the following GW – have the money all set – he’s gonna have an average game against tough opposition but after the IB he’s got a streak of easy fixtures all at home too – perfect, then in the tough fixture he bags a brace and an Ass, all of a sudden every other novice who doesn’t know the planning you’ve done jumps on the band wagon – you have to make the transfer after Match of the Day 2 as he’s gonna go up, but it’s OK because you got him in at the price you could afford – all is fine until that smart arse Blakey sends out one of his press updates that in the first day of training for his country he’s done his ankle and out for the rest of the year!!!
6. The Power BI – Steve C, JDS, Pete, Dazza and many others this will be familiar to you. You’ve set your filters, data models, algorithm you’ve applied natural language processing and AI and the system has given you your No. 1 transfer solution and forecast for the rest of the month with the appropriate tolerance built in. For the record this transfer has and never will be executed by yours truly (or JPC).
7. The Money Cant buy you Love! This is the AWB or Matty Doherty transfer, they are only in your team because you are skint but are absolutely Lovelehhhh!
8. The Marty McFly – Chasing last weeks points and going back to the future even though the guy is away to Citeh this week – if he scored 18 points last week he’s IN
9. THE RAGE – this needs no explanation
10. The D.U.I – Transfers under the influence, there is a strong argument that the FPL App should have a breathalyser instead of password to access. Jordan Ibe, Gaetan Bong (his name was just too funny when drunk) Shane Long, Mido, Moreno, Wimmer you were all just drunken mistakes that my wife should never find out about!
WHAT IS YOUR SCORE OUT OF 10?
I think Oasis and Noel Gallagher phrased it best, the key with transfers (and our sanity) is DON’T LOOK BACK IN ANGER.
Keep Calm and Carry the FFUK ON!