FPL can be a cruel game.

Actually, perhaps that’s the key – if we thought of it as just a game where the outcome didn’t really matter, it definitely wouldn’t be as cruel. But to us FFUKers it’s more than just a game.

Considering how cruel a game it can be, I can’t believe that this track hasn’t been used as a gameweek theme before now. But what a track it is. DISAPPOINTED is arguably the best product of the ‘supergroup’ Electronic, which was formed from key members of The Smiths, Joy Division / New Order, Pet Shop Boys and Kraftwerk, and it perfectly encapsulates the feelings I experienced this weekend (and in truth, most weekends!). Not sure about the video though. Have a watch and see what you think.

When Bernardo Silva heard I was writing this review he emailed me to say that the guy from the video who’s waving a flag and then practicing his front crawl technique in a field looked a bit like his best buddy Benjamin Mendy. Bilva also commented on how Neil Tennant reminded him of a grey-haired Chris Sutton, and that Bernard Sumner resembled a young Mickey Adams. He loves a good look-a-like does Bilva.

Anyway, back to the gameweek. Even before a ball was kicked I was DISAPPOINTED. Only one match coming up on Super Sunday – IT’S A SIN!! Are they even allowed to call it Super Sunday when there’s only one match? Good job I’d brought Çağlar Söyüncü in as one of my two free transfers this week otherwise I’d have had zero interest in Sunday’s football. By the way there’ll be more on THIS CHARMING MAN later…

Once the gameweek did kick off it wasn’t long before I was even more DISAPPOINTED. I’d captained Mo Salah who returned three paltry points for me and the other 66 FFUKers who gave him the armband. Liverpool weren’t at their best in the lunchtime kick off, perhaps in part due to Sheffield United putting in a strong and organised defensive performance, but a howler from Blades keeper Dean Henderson gifted Liverpool a fortuitous 1-0 win. I bet Hendo was even more DISAPPOINTED than me.

The 3pm kick offs didn’t provide me with much more joy to be honest. The TRUE FAITH I’d maintained in Jorginho finally paid off as he scored THE MODEL penalty during Chelsea’s 2-0 victory over Brighton. That goal and an unexpected clean sheet from Martin Kelly (as Palace beat Norwich 2-0) were my only returns from the 3pms. DISAPPOINTED was an understatement.

But in all honesty I reckon the majority of us will have been feeling rather DISAPPOINTED by 5pm as there weren’t many popular players who came up trumps. Harry Kane and Heung-Min Son returned a goal and assist, respectively, in Spurs’ 2-1 victory over Southampton. John McGinn bagged another goal and Erik Pieters notched another assist as Villa and Burnley drew 2-2. And Bournemouth and West Ham continued to illustrate that they can be a good source of mid-priced FPL points in another 2-2 draw, with Josh King, Callum Wilson, Sebastien Haller and Andriy Yarmolenko all claiming attacking returns. Not to forget another of the EAST END BOYS Aaron Creswell, who scored his second goal in as many games from left back. And of course Matt Doherty turned the clock back to bag a goal and clean sheet in Wolves’ 2-0 win over Watford.

But (perhaps with the exception of Harry Kane) those players weren’t present in many FFUK line-ups nor were they popular captain picks. Where were the points for the likes of Tammy Abraham, Sadio Mane and Teemu Pukki?

No worries I thought, my trio of Man City attacking assets would dig me out of a Salah-shaped hole on Saturday night wouldn’t they? Not a chance. To my disgust, Sergio Aguero and David Silva were benched before finally both appearing for a few minutes at the end. In the interim Kevin de Bruyne had bagged a couple of assists to help City win the game 3-1. Fourteen happy FFUKers captained him and plenty more had him in their teams. But I wasn’t one of them. By this point DISAPPOINTED wasn’t even coming close. What am I doing without KDB? Or should I say what was I doing without him – despite him limping off with a niggle, a moment of PANIC overcame me on Saturday evening and I took a four point hit to get him in. Then he missed training yesterday – HEAVEN KNOWS I’M MISERABLE NOW.

The solitary game on Sunday turned out to be a walk in the park for Leicester. They went 1-0 up early doors through Ricardo Pereira, but Isaac Hayden was dismissed for a shocking tackle on Dennis Praet just before half time and the second half was basically an exhibition, with Newcastle capitulating and Jamie Vardy bagging a brace in an easy 5-0 win for the Foxes. Four FFUKers captained Vardy and they were certainly not DISAPPOINTED.

The first 40 minutes at Old Trafford on Monday evening definitely DISAPPOINTED everyone that was watching – you could call it a BLUE MONDAY. But then Scott McTominay banged one in from outside the box and the second half was a much livelier affair, with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang dinking one over David De Gea to equalise. 1-1 was probably a fair result.

All that meant that these are the players who made the FPL Dream Team this week:

Top scoring FFUKer this week was Jason Beal with 86 points – RESPECT to that man as every one of his first XI picked up some sort of return apart from Roberto Firmino. Bealer has obviously been spending less time in the hot tub and more time focusing on FPL this season. However, he did take a 4 point hit, giving him a net score of 82, which was the same as John Harper. Two very impressive points hauls in a week that left many of us DISAPPOINTED. Their rewards – 7th and 16th in the overall FFUK league table.

Leading the way now though, is Andrew Downie, after his 61 points took him above Allan Tomkins and 10 points clear at the top of the FFUK league.

As the gameweek progresses, the Conts league is ALWAYS ON MY MIND. With the two games left on Sunday and Monday, Alex Sadlier (28 points) and Jimmy Spence (31 points) were the lowest scorers in the Conts League. 39 points was the safe score and there were several other FFUKers feeling nervous. In the end it was all over on Sunday night with a game to spare – Çağlar Söyüncü’s 6 points meant that Alex was stranded on 34 points, whilst Jimmy leap-frogged Donald Macaulay who was already all-out on 36 points. Interestingly, both Alex and Don can blame Serge Aurier for their evictions. Never mind, you can concentrate on the main league and the cups now chaps, so don’t be too DISAPPOINTED.

Thanks for reading FFUKers, until next time…


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