Now there are a couple of things that happen when you play fantasy football for a long time. The first is that players, get a rep. You know what I mean, some players, everyone else does well with, not you, oh no. It doesn’t matter who it is, when you bring them in, when you captain them, you get nothing. And that sticks. Vardy. Salah. Kane. Aguero! These guys play mind games with you. No way you’re gonna make that mistake again. Kane scores the odd goal, then at Christmas he scores two hat tricks in a row. You bring him in. Nothing. Ring any bells?

But those guys are in a different ffuk ings league. At least they do go big, it’s you that’s the problem. And you’ve learned your lesson, next time you’re gonna be on top of it, you’re not gonna touch them, you’re not gonna be ffuked over by Pep, Mane’s the man this season, but Vardy’s on fire again? Alarm bell’s are ringing. What about those mid-priced players. You rely on these to bring you bloody points. Fraser, Richarlison, Eriksen, Siggurdson, Pogba (lolz). Bilva! What a ring stinger he is to own. Guaranteed Bilva will not get any points if you bring him in.

MOTM pep

Anyone for Benteke fried chicken? Didn’t think so. Would you touch Josh King? I would have touched him a lot a couple of season’s back. In fact, I did.

Danny FFUKing Ings?


Back in 2014/2015 Danny Ings had a good season, remember? My memory doesn’t go back that far but I’m sure someone out there still has full grasp of their own sanity.

It’s OK  though I have wikipedia for when this happens. Nope, I can barely remember Ings at Burnley. Clearly I ignored him then too. He scored 11 goals and 4 assists, playing 3025 minutes which is pretty much the whole league season. Not bad.

danny ings
I’m sorry. 

So then Liverpool bought him. He played 340 minutes 2015/16. He had a little run out at the start but then got injured, first training session under Klopp he gets injured. Basically he’s out for two ffuking years.

Fast forward to last season and he goes to the Saints, rotating like 3 or 4 poor strikers and he does ok, he scores 7 goal in 1650 minutes.

Anyone bringing him in? No me either, what sort of a mug brings a player in that’s had 2 years off sick then had a patchy season at an average team.

What sort of a mug doesn’t?


Now Mr Dings didn’t get a run in this season’s Southampton side until GW7. Prior to that he’d played 3 sub appearances and the other 3 that he started he got subbed off. But he picked up an assist on the way.

I tell thee. No way I’m taking any chances here.


In the following 15 games he’s made attacking returns in 11 of them. That’s just 4 blanks in 15 gameweeks. He’s currently got more points than Kane, Aguero, Jesus, Firmino, Lacazette, Tammy Abraham, how about Raheem Sterling, Son, Maddison, Mahrez or Richarlison?

Seriously though has anyone not got him?

Ings is still only 6.8 million. He’s in 1 in 4 FFUK teams. I think that may change shortly.

Oh yeah I was gonna tell you the second thing that happens after playing FPL for a long time. What happens you get more and more annoyed every single season when things don’t go your way. When Ings FFUKs you repeatedly, this bloody budget striker in an average team, injury prone, hasn’t FFUKings played in years and every other FFUKer has got him.

So what you do?

You bring him in to be FFUKed good and proper.


Anyway it was good news for Stephen Fielden (14th). His team ‘I’m an idiot’ scored 92 points this week. Great irony Steve, not an idiot at all, clearly. Don’t try and make me feel bad yeah. Stevie did what any logical person would do this gameweek, and brought in Aguero (20 x 2) for Kane, and captained him. I now see what Steve did, but let me tell you, when I brought in Calvert Lewin (1) for the injured Kane I had a plan. Ha.

John Parkinson (6th) got a tidy 77 sticking the captain on Rashford (12 x 2) off the back of a wildcard week! Happy days JP, but can you just tell us why you don’t own Ings? Nutter. Jamie Stephens (13th) is no such fool. 76 points with Rash captain and Ings (5) as vice.

Here’s that Top 20 in full:


At this stage of the season I try not to focus on bad scores so I’ll pick on someone deliberately. James Amar in 10th got a big red arrow after only mustering 44 points. What’s going on Cowboy? I actually got 61 (-4) this week so thanks for making my score look fairly respectable. It was hard fought I tell you. Just don’t feel bad about it. I don’t. It’s not your fault. And yes, I would offer some advice right now but you already have Ings, and if you need my advice then you really are ffuked. Blame someone, blame Sterling.


Time for a FFUK Ings eviction.

There were a few caught in the crossfire come Sunday afternoon, apparently Matt Reid (3rd) and Sam Blake (101st) on 52 points went bell ringing last night to celebrate. Man City conceded a penalty in the 91st minute to Aston Villa after putting 6 past them and one of the other Conts was holding on tight to an Ederson clean sheet.. Ironically, if Mark Leathem (165th) had played one Mr FFUKing Ings instead of leaving him on his bench it would have made no difference at all. But if you’re looking for reasons to be bitter, I’d start here Leafy. I’ll be round to see you about this.

And that’s about it for this week. There are two gameweeks left to play in this round of the Cups, 16 players still to get knocked out of the Conts, league places to be scrambled for, blanks and double gameweeks to come.

I’ve been Pete Cronin, and you’ve been FFUKers. Thanks for the inspiration Chris G. My ear’s are ringing, I can’t get Killing Me Softly out of my head, and I need to think Ings through. Time for some Mike Oldfield.

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