Welcome to the Gameweek 3 Review, “PLACE YOUR HANDS” – It is my pleasure to be writing my first Gameweek Review having been a FFUK’er for over 10 years! I decided I couldn’t possibly name the Gameweek Review as anything other than “PLACE YOUR HANDS” after this weeks drama. The Song I have chosen to represent the mood in GW3 is therefore the brilliant “Place your hands” by Reef – what a track this was!

Firstly, I write this as a Football Fan, Qualified Coach and Qualified Referee ——


Our game is being destroyed by Blazer Wearing Jobsworth’s at the Professional Game Match Officials Limited (PGMOL) that clearly have nothing better to do than muck about with our beautiful game. First VAR, then 5 subs, drinks breaks and now Handball – whatever next!? Our beloved Football seems to be constantly FFUKed about with and it has to stop! – Football already boasts the record for most rules for an outdoor game. Lets simplify – not multiply the interpretation. The PGMOL need to listen to JPC! The Handball rule should be simple, “If the player/team gains an advantage by the use of the Hand (deliberate or not) – A free kick will be awarded for Handball”- end of! When I took my Referee course in 1998 – this was a 5 minute module, nowadays you would need a PHD in Physiology, Psychology, Mathematics and Biomechanics! As Gordon Ramsey would say FFUK Me!

Here is the official wording from the Premier League (who have incidentally organised an emergency meeting with the PGMOL and Clubs this week!) I draw your attention to this:

Premier League players will be allowed extra leeway when it comes to ricocheted handballs.  It is often impossible to avoid contact with the ball if it has deflected off the body of an opponent, team-mate, or even another part of the own player. So a handball will not be awarded if the ball touches a player’s hand/arm directly from their own head/body/foot or the head/body/foot of another player who is close/nearby. 

Poor Jose/Dier, Spurs certainly have a right to feel robbed and clearly have a case to “restart the league”! If Spurs miss out on European competition by 2 points, I dread to see the Paddy Power adverts starring Jose for 2021 Season (if he’s still in a job!)

The Question has to also be raised about VAR’s involvement which coincides with the interpretation of the Handball Rule, should we abandon it and just accept Human Error? We have tried Technology and we still can’t get it right.

The Penal Code

The opening three weekends of the Premier League season have seen 20 penalties awarded in 28 matches, a big increase on last season when just eight were awarded in 30 matches. If that pace was to be maintained, then there would be a whopping 271 spot picks by the end of the season. That would absolutely smash the current record of 112 in a single season! #loaduponpenaltytakers!

So on to the Juicy part of GW3 – many of you “pressed the button” and hit wildcard (45 -out of 246!). 4 Free Hits were also used which, I’m not sure how that compares to previous early game weeks in FFUK history but I think it reflects the indecision and lack of confidence from many managers (including myself!). According to FPL the average points of wildcarded teams in GW3 were lower than GW1 & GW2 – You are not alone if you feel robbed with your Wildcard choice FFUKers!

Many visionaries had foreseen the Penalty Fiasco and loaded up on penalty takers. However I can tell you that 133 FFUKers were left disappointed with their captains this week (55 KDB Captains, 47 Werner and 31 Son).

Statto Steve’s weekly stats!

The average GW Score was 43 -This is the dream team now called the Kings of the Gameweek!

The pick of the Keepers was Meslier (£4.5M -Leeds) who got 10 points and 3 bonus points with a clean sheet against Sheff U. Worthy mention for Darlow (£5.0M Newcastle) with 8 points who surprised a few with 11 saves and a 3 point bonus – how many people will take a chance on him in GW4?

Defenders : Masuaku (£4.5M West Ham) had 12 points along with Mings (£5.0M Villa). Robbo showed why you need to keep faith in the Liverpool defensive Goal and Assist Machines with 10 points despite no clean sheet.

Mason Mount (£6.9M Chelsea) is perhaps the most unlikely Midfielder to be the points leader for Chelsea with 16 points (12 in GW3). Does he represent the best value with Havertz yet to find his feet? West Hams Bowen (£6.3) is catching the eye for me and is on the watchlist scoring 15 points after impressively thrashing Wolves 4-0! Didn’t see that coming. Mahrez (£8.4M City) Looks like good value with injuries to Aguero and the “son of god”. Has Bruno Fernandes (£10.5M) become the only “essential” midfield player for GW4?

Jamie Vardy was the top point scorer this week with 17 points. He continues to amaze the world with the consistency at which he regularly scores goals. With 32 points scored after 4 games – could he be the differential and worthy of investment at £10m?

Two goals from Callum Robinson (£5.5M West Brom) against Chelsea in a 3-3 Thriller was also a pleasant surprise to see some potential value in a Striker under £6M?

The other major talking point of the week was clearly the Utd Game where a “PENALTY” was scored after the final whistle by none other than “Mr Penalty” himself, Bruno Fernandez – who like his name Sake Frank Bruno literally “knocked out” Brighton’s Lights with a 3-2 win. Maupays last gasp Handball went to VAR whilst the players were leaving the pitch – I think we will remember this one for a long, long time!

Movers and shakers – noteable rises and fallERS


This weeks Leader on an impressive 211 points (the magic 70 points per week average) is Nick Maston who picked up 75 points this game week. Fernandes captain (24) and Vardy 17 setting him up nicely. Well done Nick! He also wins the very first MOTM for September and is the first recipient of a prize so far this season!

Top gameweek scorers

Brian Collins (“taking the Mikel”) was this weeks top scorer with 84 points. Perhaps the inspired choice of Mings at the back with 12 points and double Saints defence (McCarthy-GK & Bertrand) was the differential with perhaps the forgotten Mason Mount with 12 point too?

James Simpson (Southcoast Gunner XI) was second highest with 81 – I’m sure James is keen for the laws not to change regarding handball having Fernandes as captain scoring him 24 points!? He also had faith in Liverpool playing Robertson with 10 points despite no clean sheet – I know we are all debating the value of TAA and Robbo on Whatsapp!

Third highest scorer with 80 points is my Mate Adam Jones “Jonesy FC” – he reluctantly joined FFUK and paid his fee after relentless pressure from me and now could be on for success with his weekly haul taking him to 8th Overall. Vardy (17) and captain Mane (14) and also a risky Bench boost that netted him an extra 10 points.

New Player Additions Worth monitoring:

Barkley (Aston Villa £5.9) could be a great shout knowing Villa are on the up..

Mendy (Chelsea £5.0) new GK – have we seen the end of Kepa?

Diaz (Man City £5.5) Will he be the Rock to replace Kompany?

This week we say bye bye to Theo Allen (30 points) and Damien O’Neil (28 points). JDS 31 and Jamie Davis 30 were saved by the skin of their teeth!


Prizes confirmed – If you haven’t heard we have 246 players paid up and all the prizes confirmed – read about them all here

Cupdate with Bakes – Live Draw tomorrow, tune in via the link below from 9pm

So, FFUKERS! Keep the faith – thanks for reading and best of luck for GW4!

Best regards

James Page-Chatton (JPC)

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