Ey up FFUKers!

We knew it was coming, we just didn’t know when.  But last Tuesday morning brought the announcement of the biggest DOUBLE gameweek so far: GW29 will see 12 clubs playing twice.  There are some tasty-looking pairings for a few teams.

We already knew GW27 would be a DOUBLE and GW28 would be a blank, so Tuesday’s revelations sent our chip strategies into a tailspin.  Without the support of Ben Crellin’s spreadsheets it would all be DOUBLE DUTCH.

Even with his spreadsheet my head’s been in bits.

But never mind GW29… we had to navigate GW25 first, which was made up of both DOUBLES and blanks.

The Carabao Cup final between Man United and Newcastle meant both teams – as well as Brentford and Brighton – had blanks.  If NUFC had triumphed I was lining up GLORY DAYS by Bruce Springsteen for the GW review track, with THE BOSS Eddie Howe mocked up in a sleeveless shirt showing his guns off.

Alas, the Toon continue their 54-year wait for glory with a HUNGRY HEART, as Man U won their first piece of silverware since 2017.

Man U’s DUTCH boss ETH is no doubt eyeing up a cup DOUBLE this season now.  Or even a treble.  He might even have one eye on the Premier League.  But that’s enough of that sort of crazy talk!  Let’s SKIP back to FPL…

Arsenal, Liverpool, Everton and Wolves had DOUBLES in GW25, so I needed some DUTCH courage before making my transfers.  I met up with the FFUKing Godfathers Chris and Pete on Thursday night to talk short-term tactics and longer-term strategy over a few drinks.  They were advising me like DUTCH uncles, plus Statto Steve was bouncing ideas off us over whatsapp.  By the end of the evening I had just about enough SKIPPING ROPE to hang myself.  And hang myself I did – a quadruple transfer for an 8-point hit, centred around Mitrovic to Darwin.

When Mitrovic wasn’t in Fulham’s squad for FNF I briefly felt vindicated.  But that feeling didn’t last long.  I woke up on Saturday morning to rumours of Darwin being left out.  The nerves kicked in and my bed could have been a DUTCH oven (one for the Viz Profanisaurus fans).  Liverpool were facing Palace in the late game on Saturday night so it was a long wait before the ugly rumours finally crystallised: no Darwin.

In the mean time my DOUBLE Everton defence gamble had also back-fired big time, as their whiff of momentum was swiftly expunged by a solid Villa performance.  Watkins (6) bagged for the fifth straight PL game, and could well be a popular option for his GW29 DOUBLE.

Junior Firpo (15) fired Leeds to a 1-0 home win over relegation rivals Southampton.  Leeds also have a DOUBLE in GW29, but I’m not sure many FFUKers will be gambling on Firpo?

Arsenal also won 1-0, away at at Leicester, thanks to a Martinelli (26) strike.  But perhaps the story of the 3pm kick-offs was West Ham finally finding their scoring boots as Ings (13) got the nod to start and duly banged in a DOUBLEAntonio (5) and Rice (10) also notched, with Benrahma (10), Bowen (6) and Fornals (4) picking up the assists.  Lots of seeds planted ahead of West Ham’s particularly appealing DOUBLE fixtures in GW29.

In the 5:30pm game Man City breezed past Bournemouth, with Foden (13), Alvarez (11) and Haaland (10) each claiming a goal and an assist.  A late Lerma (7) goal wiped out most of the City cleanies and frustrated plenty of FFUKers.

And then came Darwin-less Liverpool.  A 0-0 stalemate that was crying out for a clinical finisher.  As such, Darwin wasn’t missed.

Just the one game on Sunday, as Chelsea wilted yet again.  Fair play to SKIPP (9) for his sweet strike, but Kepa should have done a lot better.  Kane (6) pounced late doors to DOUBLE the advantage and heap more misery on poor old Potter.

SKIP forward three days to Wednesday and Arsenal reiterated their title credentials with an impressive 4-0 win at home to Everton.  All the usual suspects got in on the act, and by the end of the week no less than nine of them had DOUBLE figure hauls.  So as long as you had three Gunners it didn’t really matter which ones – with perhaps just Nketiah (5) owners feeling a bit hard done by.

And then came Liverpool.  The early rumours were that Darwin would start (most of those rumours coming directly from the Uruguayan himself).  And indeed he did.  Unfortunately for me and the dozens of FFUKers who brought him in, he blanked.  Two points over the GW was painful, especially after he had a goal given and then ruled out.

The Liverpool asset we should have had for the DOUBLE was DUTCH VVD (24), who banked two clean sheets, a goal, and six bonus points.  Big kudos to those of you who brought him in this week.

All that resulted in this bunch for Kings of the Gameweek:

I only had two of them, but at least Martinelli came good.

In the FFUK league Rob Pitt is still top of the pile.  David Harrison and John Harper SKIPPED up into 2nd and 3rd, and Vikram Marwaha remains in 4th:

The big news in FFUK, however, was Darren McKeown’s whopping 137 points after wildcarding.  Not only did that send him flying 60+ places up the table into 33rd, it also helped him to MOTM for February, and that score is now locked in as the best GW score.  Good work mate!!

Unfortunately, there’s always a CONTS elimination to update you on.  There’s only a handful of FFUKers left now, so elimination at this point hurts that little bit more.  And with this week being a DOUBLE gameweek the scores were that bit higher than normal.  The likes of Frankie Watson and Daron Russell narrowly survived, meaning Damien O’Neill missed this week’s cut.  Tough to take Damo – hopefully LUFC’s win took the edge off.

Right, that’s that for this week FFUKers.  I’m off to practice my SKIPPING and study Ben Crellin’s latest artwork:

JDS (113th)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s