Welcome to the GW16 REVIEW – YAKETY SAX

Slapstick innuendo was commonplace in our household when me and our kid were growing up.  No, our parents aren’t Sid James and Barbara Windsor. But we did watch a hell of a lot of Carry On, Dick Emery and Benny Hill.  Those of you that have met my bro Neil Stewart (15th) aka NDS, aka the other half of Right Said Fred, will appreciate that those countless hours of double entendre-filled entertainment left a lasting impression – Oooohh Matron!!

So when Richard Willis-Hutchinson (88th), aka Penfold, Whatsapp’d a clip of Heung-min Son’s goal against Burnley on Saturday afternoon my first thought was of Benny Hill and his time-lapse, sped-up chase scenes.  If you’ve not yet seen Son’s glorious goal, with pretty much the whole Burnley team in hot pursuit, just have a ganders at the sketch below and try to visualise Son as Benny Hill.  Or alternatively you could visualise the Burnley players as nurses in skimpy uniforms and suspenders…

After a quick bit of research I’ve gleaned that the theme to ‘The Benny Hill Show’ is titled “Yakety Sax”, by Boots Randolph.  I love it – I imagine it won loads of awards back in the 60s.

The fact I brought Son (12) in this week as one of my two free transfers (and decided to captain him) brought an even bigger smile to my face than his 75-yard run and goal, or the nurses I’d been visualising.  Mind you, most of the big assets put in an impressive performance this week, meaning the FPL average was a bulging 54 points.


Each of the top nine FFUK captain picks did the business this week, except for the two Man City options – Sterling (2) and De Bruyne (1) – who will no doubt have given their owners (and Pep) the HILL Street Blues.  Vardy proved yet again that he’s not over the HILL at the age of 32, as he returned 13 points with a clinical brace.  Kane went one better and returned 16 points after two bazookas and an assist.  Son and Alli also had some fun at White Hart Lane, scoring 12 and 9 points, respectively.  Sean Dyche must have been having a right old BENNY after the 5-0 thrashing.

Down at the Vitality Stadium Salah looked perkier than recent games, returning a goal and assist for 13 points as Liverpool maintained their place at the top of the HILL.  Ok, so Mane (0) didn’t actually make it on to the pitch, but most of those who gave him the armband appear pretty satisfied with their vice captains.

I doubt there were ever many clean sheets in Benny Hill’s bedroom, and it was the same in the Premier League this weekend.  But a few defenders scored well as a result of attacking returns. Sheffield United’s defence suddenly looks quite flaccid, but that didn’t stop Baldock picking up 14 points after bagging a goal and an assist (did you know that Sheffield, like Rome, is built on seven HILLs?).  Vertonghen did manage a clean sheet, and supplemented it with an assist for 11 points.  And a fourth attacking return of the season for Newcastle’s Fernandez earned him 9 points this week.

Monday Night Football was a clichéd game of two halves.  1-0 down after a limp first half, Arsenal stood to attention after the break and ran out 3-1 winners.  Despite a more rigid second half performance I don’t think Ljungberg will last the distance for Arsenal.  I’d say their best bet is probably to do an ITALIAN JOB and bring Allegri in (did you know that Benny Hill was in the ITALIAN JOB?).  Whoever they ultimately opt for will surely do a better job than EMERY.

In FFUK, Paul Baker (1st) still sits prominent at the top of the table after yet another strong week.  He’s got a lead of 14 points from James Prebble (2nd), and is only six points shy of the 1,000 point mark – pretty impressive after only 16 weeks and without using any chips to enhance his performance.

Top scorer in the FFUK top 10 was Peter Hayes (3rd) with 79 points, thanks in the main to Vardy (c), Son, Guaita, Kelly and Ings – impressive assets I’m sure you’ll all agree.


However, joint top scorers in the whole league this week were Matt Packham (133rd) and Scott Hassell (153rd) with a mighty 92 points apiece.  Lowest scorer this week was Malachi Benjamin (250th), who only managed 16 points and leaves himself with an up HILL task to get anywhere near the prizes, or even onto page 4 for that matter.

Who goes this week in the CONTS mini league?

Meanwhile, over in the Conts League, this week’s unfortunate evictee was decided before Monday Night Football had even kicked off.  Grant Lawrie (16th) has been scoring points for fun this season but he was unable to CARRY ON his good run and found himself UP THE KHYBER, i.e. evicted, after he could only field 10 players and was all out on 44 points.


Although it doesn’t look like there’s going to be an FFUK Christmas get-together this year, there is talk of a potential meet up in the new year.  If you’re a fan of either football or slapstick innuendo then definitely get involved.

And finally, the honour of writing the Gameweek Review passes back to Stu Allen (40th) next week – Stu’s reviews are always entertaining and I’m sure he’ll CARRY ON CAMPING it up from where he left off in GW11…

JDS (26th)

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