Welcome to the



Isn’t it nice to have some football back after the boredom of the international break? Well for some yes it was, but for others it was just a return to the bleak, familiar Sunday afternoon feeling, cursing your team and praying for a miracle from your mediocre midfielder whom your Conts survival rests on.

Before we get into the football let’s just remember if anything interesting happened in the break:

Well Mo Salah went to his brother’s wedding and got COVID-19, I saw the picture and did not see much social distancing and no one wearing a mask – tut tut tut

Mo Elneny got COVID, Zaha got COVID, Saiss got COVID, Gibbs got COVID, Coady got COVID  and so did Livermore! Gosh its almost as if there is some kind of global pandemic on. Wilson injured himself but left owners sweating as cryptic updates refused to count him out of the weekend.

Then more Liverpool players got themselves injured in a last-minute outbreak of gentlemanly behaviour, a good effort from Joe Gomez and Trent Alexander in trying to make this seasons premiership a little closer than last years.

All of this led to lots of panicking about who to bring in with Fernandes, Jota & Vardy the biggest incoming transfers as Salah owners tied themselves in mental knots trying to work out when the Egyptian points magnet would be back.  If he had worn a mask he probably wouldn’t have even missed this weekend.

So how many of this week’s  Kings of the Gameweek did you have?

Saturday started with the awful sight of Chelsea topping the table – a good performance from Tammy with a goal and the 3bps saw the little man end up with 9 points whilst Werner owners had to make do with 5 points, Chelsea are beginning to look like real challengers and with Tammy spearheading their frontline forcing Werner wide he might be fast becoming a nice little option if you are looking for a mid-priced striker

Villa may be losing their appeal as they lost again, this time to Brighton with the FFUK favourite Lamptey (-1 points) picking up a red card. Lovely to see Danny Welbeck back with a goal though, he does seem a good lad.

The day went from bad to worse as Spurs went top. Jose out managed Pep (again) with Kane (5 points) and Son (10  points) looking devastating together with an assist and a goal respectively. More sterile dominance from City as they won the possession but didn’t really look dangerous at any point in the 90.  2-nil Tottenham 2-nil Jose.

The day ended with the traditional Man U penalty, Bruno (11 points) sticking it away at the second time of asking to the delight of the 41% of FFUKers who gave him the armband. Delight was transmuted to ecstasy on the final whistle as he walked off with the 3 bonus points too.

So ended day 1, I don’t want to talk about VAR but it did have a big hand in 3 of the 4 matches. I’m trying not to think about it to much –  its here and I think  we all need to just accept it, for myself I now just try and cram as many penalty takers into my team as possible, then shout at the TV as the penalty they would have taken gets chalked off by yet  another new interpretation of a simple rule.

Sunday saw DCL show us why we should keep the faith, he bagged a brace and took home 13 points as Everton beat Fulham (Fulham missing another penalty) Sheffield United continue their drunken stumbling towards relegation as West Ham became the next team to make a mockery of last year’s surprise points package .

Next Arsenal took on Leeds, the biggest surprise was seeing Willian in the starting line-up after a “business trip” to Dubai having landed him in hot water with the Arsenal hierarchy. Arsenal fans and Aubameyang owners were relieved to see him start centrally but it was to no avail as Pepe got himself sent off for a headbutt and Leeds should have beaten Arsenal easily. Bamford was only kept out by the woodwork as they lay siege to Leno’s goal and Arsenal were more than lucky to sneak away from Elland Road a point clutched tightly in Leno’s gloves

 Liverpool made short work of Leicester with Jota again on the scoresheet and those who stuck with Robertson (12 points) rewarded by a clean sheet and an assist. It was also nice to see Bobby Firmino (6 points) back on the scoresheet those bright white teeth blinding anyone looking directly at him as he beamed with joy after heading in his first goal in months.

Monday dawned and those in jeopardy in the conts steeled themselves for what could be a pivotal evening in their FFUK 2020 lives.

Burnley Palace started with mass panic as Zaha was nowhere to be seen on the team sheets, if you listened closely you could hear people scrambling to check Lamptey wasn’t their first sub. Roy belatedly told us Zaha had COVID, nice one Roy maybe a little bit more notice next time! Burnley took the win 1 nil with Wood (8 points) scoring the decisive goal. Pope (10 points)  top scored with a clean sheet, lots of saves and 3 bonus points   

Finishing the week a lacklustre Wolves salvaged a draw at home to Southampton. Theo sporting a lovely new hairstyle and scoring his first goal for Southampton in 15 years, he could have wrapped it up 10 minutes later but sent the ball agonising wide giving Arsenal fans a little reminder of the good and bad of Mr Theodore Walcott. Wolves blushes were spared with Neto netting, the assist provided by Jimenez much to the relief of a large section of FFUK.

Manager of the week

Manager of the week was Michael Moors’s, his team playing a 4-4-2 anchored mightily by Pope and Robertson with Bruno and DCL providing the flair up top. A 92 point haul enough to see him top this weeks leaderboard.

League Update

There was big movement at the top of the league as our previous leader James Downie (5th) drops to fifth with the lead rudely grabbed from his sweaty palms by Steve Cronin (1st)  with Clayton Deakin (2nd) and Coolers (3rd) hot on his heels.

Is it time to ditch the triple Villa now James? A real head vs heart conundrum could be in store for our once majestic leader this week, his heart heavy with the double wounds of his beloved Villa dropping 3 points and losing the initiative in the push for the FFUK title to Steve.

Conts Update

It is with great sadness that we lose both Lawrence Sprigings (35), who may be ruing his decision to hold onto Salah and Wilson who between them added an expensive zero points and Jason Beal (42) who saw his team devastated by the virus with  Salah, Zaha & Saiss  all falling victim to the invisible enemy. I expect he will be promoting the wearing of masks during his next team talk. Ah well it was fun while it lasted lads.

Anyway thanks for having me and il see you all on the other side (in a mask).

Big Love,

 Mark Tarbox – I Blame Your Mother (141st)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s