One, two, CONTS coming for you.

Three, four, Better lock your door

Five, six, grab a crucifix.

Seven, eight, Gonna stay up late.

Nine, ten, Never CONT’ing again…

At the start of the season the FFUK admin crew grappled with the logistical challenge of creating CONTs magic with 77 contenders. After throwing around various ideas, this CONT came up with the idea of a HALLOWEEN HORROR SHOW and 10 CONTS evictions. For the 10 CONTS evicted this week – I apologise!

But there’s no need to fear the reaper if you pick the best players right?


Let’s begin with The Kings of the Game Week. A few surprising inclusions as is often the way, particularly the £3.9m Norwich defender OMOBAMIDELE (10) whilst arguably JORGINHO (10) only made the team because he selfishly wanted his goal bonus and deprived JAMES (21) of his hat trick!

What is notable is the formation. The talk at the start of the season was about having 3 playing strikers but this week the formation is a 4-5-1. Looking back 30% of the KOTGW formations have had 3 forwards up top, with 60% having 2 up top. It’s clear there’s a huge number of reasonably priced high scoring midfielders and defenders this year making a template hard to form.

“Do You Want To Play A Game?” – Saw (2004)

It’s safe to say that as GW10 fixtures drew to a close, a HALLOWEEN HORROR SHOW truly occurred. With key players missing, defences going missing and strikers going missing, the average score was just 42. Many were left questioning whether they selected wrong or were just unlucky…

But kudos to BRENDAN RYAN – THIS IS GONNA COSTA for the highest GW score of 87pts and RONI FRIEL – SOUTHBOURNE CELTIC coming a close 2nd with 85pts. Massive green arrows for both this week.

Whilst at the opposite end of the scoring table, commiserations to NEIL GORDON – GROß INDECENCY who had his own HORROW SHOW scoring 15pts – 10 coming from SALAH but let down by 7 popular players featured in many FPL teams, whilst leaving WAN-BISSAKA (7) on his bench!

“We all go a little mad sometimes”- Psycho (1960)

On to the football itself. Arsenal recorded a sensational 2-0 win away to Leicester, with GABRIEL (15) rising like an angel to nod in the first before ESR (9) ghosted into the box to score the 2nd. RAMSDALE (10) will be giving Leicester’s players nightmares for his outstanding shot stopping. 4 FFUKers captained VARDY (1), who was selected by 30.9% in FPL – HORROW SHOW.

The 3pm kick offs were back to their best, seeing Liverpool, Man City and Chelsea all in action. A fitting time for Jeff Stelling to announce his retirement at the end of this season. For 27 years he’s hosted Soccer Saturday, a generational cult figure his passion will be missed by many.

Having smashed 5 goals past Man Utd whilst keeping a clean sheet at Old Trafford the previous week, Liverpool had a HORROW SHOW and let the Seagulls crap on their defence conceding 2 goals at home to Brighton. Fair play to TROSSARD (9) for an excellent strike and playing himself into FFUKers GW11 plans.

Thankfully Man City were at home to Crystal Palace, with the bookies rating City a 60% chance of a clean sheet. What could go wrong… well a ZAHA (8) early goal followed by a LAPORTE (-3) red card, a disallowed offside goal for JESUS (2) and finally a 2nd Palace goal scored by Gallagher (13), resulted in a HORROW SHOW at the Etihad. CANCELO (2), DIAS (1), EDERSON (0) all failing.

“We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.”

– Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters (1984) & Crystal Palace (2021)

Chelsea’s predictable 3-0 win away to Newcastle was a HORROW SHOW for the 43,717 players who transferred in MOUNT (0) who then missed the game due to illness. If only he’d socialised with JAMES (21) and CHILWELL (8), non-owners would have avoided another nightmare week watching the two rack up the points. Luckily JORGINHO (10) refused to hand over penalty duties to JAMES. Surely ALONSO (0) and AZPILICUETA (0) will be back for GW11…

Elsewhere Burnley beat Brentford 3-1 with goals from WOOD (6), LOWTON (14) and CORNET (10) – who has now scored 4 goals in his last 5 games, a great differential pick maybe. Whilst Southampton beat RANIERI’S Watford 1-0 away, with ADAMS (7) getting the winner. How long will the Vicarage Road HORROW SHOW last for the Tinkerman?

“I see Dead people” – The Sixth Sense (1999)

The Saturday 5.30pm kick off was Spurs at home to Man Utd. According to Twitter experts, RONALDO should have been dropped and OLE was a Deadman at the wheel.

A 3-0 United win with a goal and assist from GOAT (12) meant NUNO was sacked Monday and has now been replaced by CONTE. Will the KANE (2) and SON (2) HORROW SHOW end soon?

Only two games took place on Sunday. Norwich continued their HORROW SHOW and extended their winless streak in the Premier League to 20 games, losing 2-1 at home to Leeds. A goal from OMOBAMIDELE(10) either side of RAPHINA (9) and RODRIGO (6) the highlights.

Whilst one of FFUK’s own JAMES DOWNIE suffered a personal HORROW SHOW watching his Villa lose 4-1 at home to West Ham. Unluckily for many ANTONIO (2) blanked with RICE (13), BOWEN (11) and 3.9m JOHNSON (8) leading the scoring.

Sunday night became the Night Of The Living Dead , with STEVE CRONIN issuing his CONTS update. With a safe score of 50 points, two CONTS were doomed – ALEX SADLIER and SAMBLAKE, but many more were still at risk.

“They’re Coming To Get You” – Night Of The Living Dead (1968)

With HWANG more chance of CONTS survival remaining for many, Wolves were at home to Everton. I had a personal HORROW SHOW calling out a Wolves penalty that never was. Thanks to DARON RUSSELL for pointing out my mistake! Goals from KILMAN (8) and JIMENEZ (9) secured a 2-1 win, with IWOBI (9) scoring his 3rd Premier League goal for Everton in 3 seasons. £34m paid to Arsenal for him – daylight robbery!

With the final match over, HALLOWEEN HORROR SHOW had its 10 unlucky victims. Goodbye to the following FFUKERS:


Ross was particularly unlucky as he is evicted by virtue of his overall rank. As you can see by the image below there were 3 other FFUKers on that GW score who survive another week in this most brutal of leagues.

“Do You Like Scary Movies?” – Scream (1996)

Time now to take a look at the top of the big league…

We have a new leader at the top of FFUK with KEVIN FLYNN – DIAL SQUARE (712) moving up 4 places from 5th with a GW score of 71, followed closely by DARON RUSSELL – 2HWANGdontmakeaWHITE (698) who scored 59.

BRENDAN RYAN – THIS IS GONNA COSTA (689) made the biggest gain to crash into the Top 10, moving up 37 places after scoring 87 points to 9th tied on points with yours truly.

42 points separate 1st to 20th, currently occupied by DUNCAN HANNIGAN – BALL OF CONFUSION (670), who in turn is 21 points ahead of 50th FFUKer REECE COOK – VIVA RONALDO (649).

All to play for!

This week sees the draw of the FFUK Cup and Milk Plate competitions by Bakes and Chris Galloway plus special guests (TBC), be sure to watch via Youtube below and check the website to see who you’re up against for the month of November.


Right, I’m off to select some fireworks for the weekend and GW11! Good luck everyone.

James Simpson – Southcoast Gunner (8th)

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