WELCOME TO THE GW29 REVIEW – IT STARTED WITH A KISS
And now it’s time for Pete’s love bud.
“It started with a kisssss”. Well, not quite a kiss. Like ffuk. More like a hit. Yes it started with my brother, and don’t let’s start thinking I was kissing my brother, or kissing a cock; Cock-a-doodle-WHOOO is later.
It started with a series of hits…
Some of the more deluded amongst us even set up a strategy of taking multiple hits in order to save our chips through Gameweeks 28, 29 and 30. We watched behind stinging smart phone as seemingly everyone else partied with their Wildcards, Triple Captains, Bench Boosts and Free Hits, me trying to work out whether it was Brighton’s MacAllister or Everton’s Michael Keane that would save my gameweek. Tough times. At one point the only solution I could think of was to finally tick driving the full circuit of the M25 off my bucket list. You can picture me now shoving chicken nuggets into bbq dip while driving, half-singing along to Hot Chocolate. You don’t have to though.
At the end of GW27 the Cronin Brothers happily sat in 11th and 12th in the FFUK League bold in our strategies, and I did feel at least slightly better that my bro was going even wilder than I was with hits come GW29. By the end of GW28 I was hanging on for dear life to 13th place in the league while Steve fell to 25th. Fortunately we’re now coming out of a big double in 17th place (me) and 24th (Steve), so as you can imagine we’re both well happy.
I’m sorry Steve, your pardon has been turned down. You have been found guilty of flagrant hit-taking, and the FPL Gods are not looking upon you in favour. You will be serve a term of at least 1 more day outside of the Top 20, and probably even more, once you take even some hits this week.
And don’t try to hover up so that the rope goes slack you ffuking hawk.
As you can see from the image above, the big doublers this week included numerous surprises, barring Kane. Of course, everyone owns the lowest Liverpool defender this week, TAA, so kudos to anyone who did a defensive double up and profited from the Matip, Robbo, or VVD points. Elsewhere Coady’s single gameweek haul made benches look very pretty, Partey popped his cork, and Ronaldo reminded us all why he is such a frustrating git. The other players I can’t be arsed to mention. I’m much more interested in talking about our own league. Presumably you all know what happened scores wise generally speaking? Apparently Arsenal fans are already anticipating the second coming and think next year could be their year. It’s nice to get that hope as the season ends, a reminder that all of us are human, and everything will be alright.
In the FFUK League there are a good few stories to tell.
My cock of the week is Sachin Patel (2nd) with his big hairy bench boost balls. Yep. Sachin (who I’ve been keeping an eye on) played his Bench Boost to great success this gameweek, with a veritable selection of buxom beauties, billowing like balloons. Clearly, the bench boost was a wise move, and therefore Sachin you can be my owl. Dubravka (4), Rudiger (5) hit low, but Coady (14) and Ramsey (10) made the day, though I personally feel a bench boost is rewarded for the whole squad, not just those 4 on the bench. It’s a 15 player player strategy, and Sachin smashes into 2nd in the FFUK League (from 7th) for his good thinking. Sachin also topped the Best GW Score for GW29 with his 147 points (just the one hit) OH Sachin that is enough, you are the best.
This week’s Partridge pick however goes to James Simpson (9th). A highly respectable 109 points with a Mr Harry Kane captain over Mo Salah. Bold differential captain, rewarded with +4 points (x2) was impressive.
Finally, every week has to have a penguin. You’re very cold, and you can’t fly. This week’s penguin is Daron Russell (33rd), who scored well with 113 points this week from his Bench Boost. But Daz, why have you stopped sharing the price rises in the morning? Don’t you care anymore? You have to huddle. You have to fish. If you don’t, the little penguins won’t survive.
COCK-A-DOODLE WHOOOOOO GOES OUT OF THE CONTS THIS WEEK THEN?
Well on Wednesday night this was coming down to who kept a clean sheet, Everton or Newcastle. You’d think that the players relying on clean sheets from either of those two horrors was a bit of a cock. Well I can tell you that actually it was me, Pete Cronin, and my compadre Chris Galloway (53rd) in the firing line. Chris on 82 with Dubravka, Joe Colliass on 86 with a cheeky Burn, and me on 87 with Michael Keane. Obviously if Everton conceded and Newcastle didn’t I was screwed, otherwise it was me turning Chris over and him having to say ‘thank you for being gentle’ again afterwards. As you have guessed, I had the last laugh. Yep. Michael Keane with a clean sheet and even a bonus point made some amends for me bringing him into my FPL team, although ultimately it was a real conty move. I deserve to be punished. Chris, your turn next time. Until then, you are out of the Conts, I repeat YOU ARE OUT.
And that’s it from me, I’m off to buy some gifts for all my favourite people under 50, previously I would have just got them for women of any age but I’m moving with the times. Please note – if I buy you some hot chocolate, it’s not necessarily an offer of sex, but if I sing to you, well…
Good luck for this gameweek.