City of stars, Are you shining just for me?

or maybe this one………..

We all dream of it, we go there every week, we know what we get in Ha Ha Land. We pay the money, the beer flows like water, we score mucho points.

Not this week……… the sun was not shining in Ha Ha Land, to the contrary……….

The actual film La La Land, is arguably a Cinematic Masterpiece about Love, Ambition, and Following Your Dreams…….. Here are your tenuous links; The love for Haaland (spits tea out), the ambition to own him indefinitely until a statue is erected outside the Etihad (spits tea out), the following of dreams which is lifting the FFUK title (gazes out of the window), courtesy of captaining Haaland every FFUKING week!

‘Will all passengers please disembark the aircraft, due to a technical fault, we are unable to take off for Ha Ha Land!’

After leaked footage of Haaland hobbling without a crutch, the FPL world plunged itself into chaos and uncertainty. A recent debate in our FFUK WhatsApp group highlighted the lack of alternate captaincy options for Haaland, as no player had consistently delivered hauls of any significance. Bottom line, no consistent hauls elsewhere supported ‘the alternative’.

If you look hard enough, some stats suggest that from time to time we could wonder off into uncertainty, balls in hand and with a grimace on our face and take a captaincy risk, but nobody is that brave?!?!? Well apart from our very own Harvey Smith, who did it with Mo along with 28 others in GW13 and paid the price! Someone actually TC’d Mo that GW – BIG BALLS!

Whilst GW14’s return from Salah meant it was not a true captains fail for 107 FFUKERS, 40 FFUKERS on Kane all ended up a little Spursy! The Hotspurs scored 3 away at Bournemouth (Leakiest defence in the PL, Wolves over the last 6) and World Class Arry was nowhere to be seen, apart from the referee’s notebook, picking up his 4th YC.

Both of these small returns serve to remind us that this season is not the time for holidaying anywhere other than HA HA land, travel permitting. Condolences to our very own Jake Walker who publicly announced his intention to wonder off into uncertainty and go Kane (C). The objective was to try and scoop the MOTM prize, but sadly this did not end so well, scoring a below average 43 and finishing 19th – One too many in the departure lounge Jake🍻, a solid game month nonetheless Jake, well done!

Find out what happened to Jake later in the review, it’s frightening what a captain pick Halloween Horror 🎃 show can do to a GW! Trick or Treat Jake?

So, while we are on it, MOTM 🏆 for October was DAVID HARRISON, absolutely smashing 1st place by 31 points with a return of 448. Big Dave as he can now be affectionately known, also got his Bench Boost out for added security (put it in his check in luggage), which with Almiron (12) and Mitchell (11) appears to have been very well timed!! Dave did not even have to sweat over the TAA (C) pick (4)!!! In Big Dave’s back four, TAA was accompanied by Dalot (9), Trippier (11) and Cancelo (6) – I’d say unlucky Dave but you’re considerably better off than many with that £50 MOTM prize in your sky rocket! Well done BD.



TGP (The Ginger Prince) aka KDB (11) for those who don’t know, appears to have stuck his arm up for possible captain ‘alternativeness’ scoring the only goal to sink LCFC in their 1 nil win at the King Power. 3 goals and 9 assists this season, also scoring 11 BPS total, it is hard to ignore. This puts TGP top for BPS returns for midfielders……… Does he replace Salah in your line up (-0.3m differential), if not already? Thats 3 double digit hauls so far this season! The much-maligned ‘Greals‘ (6) popped up for the assist, starting to pay back that price tag maybe? But with just 483 mins this season, we won’t be rushing to the corner shop to buy you Jack, not even for 6.8m let alone 100m! Point of note, LCFC now have 4 CS in their last 6, that is some turn of form!

I’ve touched on Spurs already, but I can’t ignore my own misery for a moment, bitten by the -4 bug (HIT) and then also bitten by Bentancur (8) – I swapped him for Bernardo DavidSilva which did in fairness go on to support my BILVA versus FODEN argument. Bentancur picking up his second goal in 7 games at a snip of investment, 5.4m.

Brentford continued their fight for mid table mediocrity at the expense of keeping Wolves in a relegation Wolf fight. Mee (11) with his second goal this season, securing a spot in the top ten defenders at just 4.6m. Brentford’s home form is one to look out for, losing once in their last 5. It’s also nice to see Diego Costa has not lost his fight, he will need it this season….. at 5.5m and just 7 points in 6 games for FPL returns- I would stay clear of this lone wolf.

Talking of staying clear, Graham Potter should of stayed clear of publicly identifying Brighton’s new playing style, only to be undone by it spectacularly at the AMEX. Gross (7) and Trossard (7) continued their excellent form, both top 10 midfielders and both under 7m. It appears the tail of the game sits with Sanchez who racked up 7 saves, all from Havertz (9) by the looks, given Kai cured the 3 BPS. No bad when your side loses 4-1. The minefield that is the bonus points system ladies and gents! Chelsea having failed to win now in 3 games, only beating Wolves and Villa in their last 5, drop into 6th place and outside of CL qualification, come back Thomas all is forgiven?!?!?!

Crystal Palace continued their run of form with a win at home against SOTON. They have lost once in 5 games and sit 5th in the form table over the last 5. Tim McEwan talked me out of Edouard (6) for Scammaca (0) thanks Tim but what’s Scammaca you hey?!

On to our Form topping Newcastle – top of the form table in the last 5 and creeping into a top 4 spot in the PL. Playing an Aston Villa side with the 2nd worst away form in the PL, Callum Wilson (19) filled his boots and is certainly back. The question has been asked about his validity as a template striker, well at 7.5m, 4 goals and 3 assists in his last 6 games, SHIRLEY he is? Let’s not forget Almiron (12), his 3rd consecutive double-digit haul, his 4th DD haul in 6 games. 6 goals in 6, 1 assist, 9 bps, NO BRAINER, but have you missed the boat? Trippier (11) is now the number 1 defender in the game, TEMPLATE level achieved with his first Double Digit Haul of the season! (Surprisingly only one goal and also surprisingly, 7 Clean sheets can you believe) – Newcastle boast the best defence in the PL, having conceded 10 all season and just 3 in their last 6, Man CITEH have conceded 11

Fulham v Everton, just MEH, who cares…! Pickford (11) with his first double digit haul of the season is probably the only worthy mention, also with back-to-back cleanies, has Fat Frank got them firing? I won’t be taking the plunge, will you? Actually, let us not forget Mitrovic (1) who finally blanked after 3 goals in 3 games. Thank FFUK I say as I opted for Scamacca in GW 11 when that little run started, oh how the FPL gods are laughing at me!

Now to the final game of Saturdays fixtures, and this gives me so much FFUKING pleasure! Leeds, with no points in their last 4, travelled to struggling Liverpool, having lost 2 of their last 4. Summerville (7) a SMALLTOWN BOY at just 4.4m, YOU MAKE ME FEEL bloody fantastic! So many column inches being written about Klopp and his future, LFC fans screaming DONT LEAVE ME THIS WAY, as they NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE!

My bad, wrong guy, it’s not Jimmy its Crysencio Summerville 😂 – 2 goals, 2 games, 4.4m,

On to Sunday and not so boring boring Arsenal, they just keep plugging away and fair play to the monobrow, who is doing a great job! Saka (4) with his 6th assist of the season lasted just 26 mins, sadly for some, but not for me as I had opted for Martinelli (8) who netted his 5th of the season. The Saka versus Martinelli investment dilemma rumbles on for many…….. where is the better value? The star of the show however, Nelson (19), on his debut for this season, with 2 goals and an assist in 63 mins of football – hats off to you!

Man Utd did just enough to give it to the Hammers at OT, and nobody likes West Ham do they Bakes? ETH keeps his machine plugging away, top 4 now firmly a possibility with the demise of Chelsea and the plight of Liverpool. Has Rashford (8) done enough to appeal at 6.6m? Dalot (9) was the gift I was looking for on a wet Sunday afternoon, substitute no.1 on my Ha Ha Land holiday! He was also my H2H clincher and green arrow superhero! Now a top 10 defender at just 4.8m, just one of 5 sub 5m options in the top ten FPL defenders! Wait, my back line could cost me 23.5m? I’ll leave that thought with you.

Now for the Honours Summary, some of you heading for a dreamy get away in Ha Ha Land, well some of you anyway.


FFUK best GW score🏆 – Well done to Mark Harrison with 96 points, captaining TGP, moving Mark up to 151st in the league

It was the GW14 HALLOWEEN 😱 HORROW SHOW in the CONTS mini league; Those not on the plane and in a much Spookier, darker and scarier place, are these 8 CONTS who all get evicted!

  1. Jake Walker (Kane)
  2. David Moore (Kane)
  3. Craig Sharman (Kane)
  4. Steven Almond (Kane)
  5. Paul Whiteman (Kane)
  6. Shaun Bremner (Son) – One assist in 7 games, ballsiest move I ever seen Mav!
  7. Ben Carter (Toney)
  8. Dipesh Shah (Kane)

Mr.World Class handing out Tricks and no Treats this Halloween!

I hope you enjoyed the read, brought to you by ThroneBoy 💩🚽

I’ll leave you with the TEAM OF THE WEEK

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