This is actually going to be a lot more positive than it may have been if I had written this review immediately after Suicidal Saturday. My FPL nightmare unfolded that day and had it not been for a recovery on Super Sunday and Monday Night Football this review may have appeared as more of an obituary to my FPL season. Fortunately you are spared that misery (maybe you lot would actually like it) and my mood is somewhat improved.

I needed something special this week in terms of a tune. After a fruitless search through the saddest Spotify playlists over the weekend I decided I should step away from the keyboard and revisit with a clearer head. Mercury Rev’s The Dark is Rising is a suitable level of special for the perilous situation i find myself in. The band’s finest work in my opinion and has helped me in some way recover from the darkness of the weekend just gone. Check out the excellent All is Dream album if you aren’t familiar with them.

With that, let’s assess what happened and I will try to ignore my own failings as much as possible.

Let us start at the beginning. The NLD was the early fixture and I (along with 54 FFUKers) gave Harry Kane (1) the armband. Safe in the knowledge that he didn’t do it against the easy teams at home, this was a bigger test away from home. Ideal. However Arsenal didn’t read the script and looked like they do once they realise they can’t win the league. The shackles were off and its only November. Wenger in? I can’t keep up. Kane is next up against a sorry looking WBA side at home. Nailed on for captaincy? Or he should be at any rate. Spurs perhaps are not the force of last season on recent evidence but it is a brave man to dispense of the back to back golden boot winner. Maybe brave is the answer.


Forgotten man Lukaku (6) was actually a more popular captaincy pick with 65 of you selecting the big Belgian to lead you into battle. Whilst he left it late (as he often does) he returned to goal scoring ways with his customary goal against Newcastle. Lukaku is far more predictable, which is so much more important to fantasy managers. Perhaps Kane isnt so essential after all. The biggest news in this game was the return to the starting lineup of Pogba (12) and the return to the bench of Zlatan (1). Will United return to the free scoring side of earlier in the season now?

You could certainly forget about Harry’s troubles if you owned Morata (8) or Hazard (18) as they took apart WBA 4-0, in the process handing Pulis his P45. Hazard was in fact the top scoring player of the weekend to the delight of the 3 FFUKers who selected him as captain. The Baggies are now looking for a manager who can keep them up. A short term Pulis perhaps in Allardyce. WBA fans will be pleased Moyes is not hovering. Pulis will be back in work very soon I imagine.


One man who does look essential is Liverpool’s Salah (16) who I have to admit I did not think would ever be this impressive in the Premier League. His incredible form continues and this game certainly has a tendency to make you admit you are wrong and perhaps the skill is in accepting this and reacting accordingly. I will be bringing in the Egyptian Messi as soon as I can (after the game this weekend) just in time for Klopp to rest him probably or his form to regress, then I can once again question my own sanity.

However as a Chelsea fan neither the loss of Lukaku or Salah keeps me awake at night, the one that really hurts is KDB (8). Once again instrumental in another confident win, this time over Leicester 2-0 taking him to 3rd in the FPL midfield standings. His touch and finish for the opening goal were truly a thing of beauty. Lukaku and Salah are very good players and would be an asset to CFC now but KDB is on another level and is one of main reasons they will win the league this season. Oh yeah Aguero (0) didn’t even come on to the pitch. Dark.


Its about to get seriously busy over the next few weeks with 10 GWs in the next 39 days. Rotation looms large. Klopp and Pep are rubbing their hands together in glee and we are left jumping to conclusions as to who will be selected. They have been warming up recently and Joseph Gomez (0) missing out on Saturday hurt hard after I brought in Liverpool’s “best defender” for a -4. More on the disaster area that was my own GW12 later.

Before all that though lets look at the FFUK league:

Screenshot 2017-11-22 at 2.37.03 PMScreenshot 2017-11-22 at 2.37.12 PM

Jamie Stewart (1st) retains his place at the top courtesy of a healthy 71 points largely thanks to his captain Salah (16 x 2). Hot on his heels is Josh Prentice (2nd) after scoring a walloping 88 points. Jamie and Josh were 2 of the 30 FFUKers who all had a better weekend than I did pretty much without the need for their other 10 men! Well played boys but beware once I bring Salah in next week you will probably see diminished returns.

However, there was one man who soared highest. Mark Turnbull (5th) scored a ridiculous 97 points. This was made possible after a -8 to bring in Sane (7), Ward (5) and Gross (10) for Alli (2), Lascelles (0) and Obiang (1). Nice moves Mark, can you advise me on how to do a hit properly please? I don’t need to tell you who Mark’s captain was either do I?

hero to zero

Next let’s bow our heads in respect to 3 more Heroes this week. This trio rose higher in the league than any other FFUKers and as such deserve all the accolades. You 3 are FFUK Kings right now and it isn’t even Christmas yet.

  • FFUK King Joe Pizans (77th) rose 68 places from 145th after scoring 90 points!
  • FFUK King Neil Freeland (121st) rose 62 places from 183rd after scoring 94 points!
  • FFUK King Stan Packham (82nd) rose 49 places from 131st after scoring 81 points!

However for every Hero there is a Zero.

  • ZERO Ben Eastwood (110th) fell 53 places from 57th after scoring just 35 points.
  • ZERO Glenn Macnamara (158th) fell 49 places from 109th after scoring just 33 points.
  • ZERO Toby Glicher (184th) fell 42 places from 142nd after mustering a miserable 23 points which was in fact the lowest score in the league. At least Arsenal won. Not much else went right for Toby this weekend.

For anyone wondering I was the 7th biggest faller slipping to 63rd from 27th after scoring 41 -4 and I only managed to get 8 players on the pitch, almost half my squad didn’t even bother – Useless Conts. With that I hand you over to Pete for the Conts Eviction…

Eviction notice
Lets get this over with

At the start of the season when devising the Conts League, Chris and I realised that if one team per gameweek was to be evicted, then at some point it would fall that one of us would be evicting the other.

A dark day is upon us. It’s only November, and already one of us is taking this humble responsibility. Since Sunday, I have been crying repeatedly, sometimes tears of laughter, sometimes tears of devastation. My team’s doing pretty shit, and I would feel much better if at least Chris was doing well, and yet, there is something hysterically funny about Chris having to hand over the admin rights, so that I can evict him from the Conts League. Today is that day.

And now a new thought has arisen. Now there’s no Chris, what happens when I get evicted? I’ll have to pass on the rights to one of you, and in doing so pass on one of life’s heaviest batons.  But for now, we have all survived the wrath of the Conts for another week and it is a time to be thankful, and to think of those we have lost. Good bye Chris, we won’t forget you. 

It’s been a tough couple of days, now I know how Arsenal, Spurs and Liverpool fans must feel when they realise that they are not going to challenge for the league title and it is only November. Fortunately Pete’s been giving me random bits of philosophy to cheer me up in between repeatedly asking me when he can remove me from the Conts League. He will be glad to hear that I have handed over the baton now and he is free to remove me at his will, remember with great power comes great responsibility. Instead of Spiderman I will comfort myself with this pearl from the Poch…

Sometimes it’s good to suffer a little bit because it means you are alive

Well I truly feel alive after all that suffering, I just hope I am through the worst of it. However I wonder if this may seem like the moment where it all unfurled. I may have to focus my attentions on the cup or take up a new hobby. A hobby free of Kane and Aguero who are currently causing me almost constant heartache. Luckily the dark is rising. Aguero will soon be gone as part of a restructuring process.

Thanks once again for reading. Pete will be taking the reigns next time and with the impending flurry of gameweeks we are on the lookout for anyone else who fancies giving a GW REVIEW a go. After Stu Allen’s sterling effort recently would you like try your hand at one? Pete and I can help you with it or not if you prefer. If you are up for writing something different then also let us know. Plus Pete will be back with another Cupdate very soon. Watch out for the midweek madness soon too!

I’m off to do some serious squad restructuring.



THE FAB 5 – these are the five highest scoring players so far this season!


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