You picks your team; you takes your chances…

Welcome to Festive Fantasy Football Fun and Frolics – a period of uncertainty, luck, rest, rotation, chance and generally the unknown for all FF Managers, basically akin to playing Roulette!!

To put that in perspective Grant Lawrie (62nd) fielded a team of 7, you read that right – yes seven players!! He had 8 out injured or rested (ahem), which explains his lowly score of 27 points. Flip the coin and you ‘comes’ across the likes of ‘Lucky’ Lesley Deeble (18th), whose whole team and bench played!!

So, I’ve been asked back! Not because of the quality of my last GW Review (10) but because Chris and Pete are super-busy Christmas Jumper shopping I think – getting the corny / cool balance takes time!! And this week we were gifted another set of mid-week fixtures – huzzah!! For starters – three Tuesday evening games served up!

He’s a beautiful man.

Most noticeable was the absence of Morata, who was reportedly a bit tired (boo-hoo) and allegedly suffering from back pain! Possibly from the exertions of putting up his Xmas decorations in his massive house, or more probably counting all his money!!

My thoughts are he didn’t fancy a trip up North away to Huddersfield in the cold – soft FFUKER!!

Over 600,000 FPL managers decided to ditch him, others benched him; I even saw some left him in their starting line-ups in some desperate hope that Conte was playing mind games – that’s Mourinho’s thing my ‘football-friends’!!

Football Friend - Copy

I shipped him out! Not because of the Huddersfield game, no. Primarily because I don’t think he’s going to do a lot over the festive period, he’s got used to a lovely long lukewarm Spanish winter break! You just have to look into his beautiful brown eyes on that handsome face of his to realise he’s not hard-core in any way, shape or form! I never witnessed Ian Dowie not fancying a game in inclement conditions; he used it as a leveller!!Ian Dowie - Copy

Burnley narrowly beat hapless Stoke to go up to 4th, albeit temporarily. Pope (11) being the standout performer and maximum Bonus Points reaper with 7 saves! Ward (1) went off injured in the first half meaning the masses (25% of players) missed out on those all important clean sheet points – gut wrenching!

Chelsea smashed Huddersfield 1-3 with Willian (16) showing Conte why he should play more, at 6.6 million he’s excellent value for money, even if he experiences the scourge of FF Managers – rotation!

I was out on Tuesday evening; when I left the pub I checked my team. My Chelsea and Watford defenders were showing clean sheet points, I was happy. When I got home they’d disappeared! Both teams were unable to ‘game manage’ and see it out, Watford capitulated and ended up losing to very late Crystal Place goals from McArthur (9) and Sako (6), whilst Depoitre (5) managed to get an injury time consolation goal at the end of his 16 minutes substitute appearance against Chelsea, who frustratingly are a lot more porous this year! It’s pretty hard to swallow the high-end price for some of their defenders right now!!

Onto Wednesday, which proved to be the main course with seven fixtures!

Basically, Man City smashed it (again) setting a new record of 15 consecutive victories! Congratulations to them – whatever your alliance, it’s hard to not to be impressed with their magical football and applaud Pep’s refreshing philosophy.


David Silva (16) was involved in everything good and served up two goals and snaffled maximum Bonus Points to be the overall joint top weekly scorer. He seems to be the most Nailed On attacking City player in Pep’s roulette team selection process!

Leicester smashed Southampton with their fans laughing at the Saints decision to ‘gift’ them Claude Peul! Okazaki (16) was the stellar performer with two goals and an assist. At 5.4 million he’s a good third choice / budget striker option?!

I have to give a mention to James Pages Chatton (115th) who took Okazaki out for Crouch (2) – OUCH!!

Man Utd stumbled past Bournemouth. Lukaku (5) finally scored! But it was the clean sheet points, yet again for the Utd back line, which is most noteworthy.

Bore draws between West Ham & Arsenal and Liverpool & West Brom are barely worth mentioning, just a quick one though for the bumbling and stumbling Liverpool; c’mon the fab front four – don’t keep letting us down, our teams are full of you, we expect more, a lot more!

I saved the best for last!


Everton’s demolition of Newcastle! The Mighty Blues are sitting pretty in 10th with 22 points; crisis, what crisis!! Rooney (8) again netted. He’s up to 15% ownership and is another extremely viable third striker option!

The FFUK Top 50



Looking at the FFUK League shows our current leader, Phil Smith (1st) maintains top spot, despite only scoring 33 points. Like most, he captained Kane (2, doubled to 4). Sterling (9) was his only stand out performer. His previous lead was sufficient enough to absorb his low score and keep him at the summit!

Sean Colohan (2nd) has cut that lead though with a score of 49. Every time I look, Coolers always seems to be second in the table, in the runners-up spot; are you by any chance related to Jimmy White?! Foster (10), Monreal (8), Sterling (9) and Son (8) proved to be his chief providers.

Jamie Stewart (3rd) drops down a place with 33 points with no high scoring players. JDS took out David Silva for Hazard last week; I have heard his torment (and whining) reverberating around the WhatsApp Group ever since!!

It was a relatively low scoring week for most, but not all!

We had (only) six Managers get into the seventies, they all deserve a mention: –

Stuart Bennette (48th) – 70 points, Paul Huntley (126th) – 72 points,

Paul Vincent (72nd) – 74 points, James Shuell (162nd) – 75 points.

Highest scorer in the Top 50 was Dean Collins (34th) with 74 points. Dean required the benefit of the ‘automatic substitution’ function to remove non-playing Ramsey (0) and Morata (0) and ‘sub-in’ Long (8) and McArthur (9). Is that luck or incredibly good planning? Roulette certainly played its part there as a mix of bench and good fortune made him a (relative) winner!!

Topping the scoring though was Jack Pound (135th) with 77 points!

Again, in a semi bonfire pissing act, I do have to point out Jack was also a tad fortunate that his Captain – Sane (0) didn’t play! Step up Vice Captain David Silva (16, doubled to 32) to save the day! Jack also had Pickford (10) and Okazaki (16) to beef up his score!

Lady Luck certainty plays its part in Fantasy Football!


Eviction notice

Evicted from FFUK – The Conts League with a measly score of 26 was Ian Galloway (61st). Ian’s been doing well all season; the Conts once again proved what a cruel and ruthless mistress it is!  If you don’t ‘perform’, just once – you’re gone, forever!!

As a previous evictee, I feel for you Ian, especially in light of beating you in another sub League – FFUKers Head to Head with a meagre score of 32 points. Salt and pepper rubbed into the wounds; sorry Ian. I’m genuinely embarrassed to take the victory!

Only a day until we all go again!

Until then, think carefully about those transfers; don’t overly focus on your starting eleven, try and have a strong bench, attempt to second-guess those starting line-ups, hit ‘confirm’, then cross your fingers and toes; hey, tie your penis in a knot if it’s big enough and sit back with bated breath as the FF roulette wheel spins again…

Good Luck and May the force be with you!!



One thought on “GW17 REVIEW – ROULETTE

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