Welcome to the GW29 REVIEW – WHITE FLAG
Are you ready to hoist the metaphorical White Flag up the flag-pole?
Neighbouring folk near Chateau-Allen thought I’d actually submit!
The bed-sheet was out hanging half-mast on Monday morning; I am in mourning and I am close to throwing in the towel, but in reality, it needed airing, you see – I’d shit the bed!
Turns out it was an involuntary post-traumatic FPL stress reaction to an abysmal GW, which saw me score a measly 30 points! I’ve also now dropped out of the top 50 – bah!
What a truly soul-destroying GW.
Right now, a lot of you will feel low, very low; some of you may have even have soiled your bed-linen, like me?!
The atrocity commenced on Saturday afternoon. Aubameyang (-1) came off the bench and FFUKed-up his penalty, which FFUKed-up all of Arsenal’s win-deserving work and FFUKed-over all the FPL managers who have him in their teams! Kolasinac (0) didn’t feature either, which irked many owners too.
Son (2) for a third consecutive week did FFUK-all! Time to turn his lily-White shirt into a Flag?
Next up to FFUK us right-over was ‘Nuno’. Not only did he drop Patricio (0) and Jonny (0), he benched Doherty (1). Then, just for ‘shits & giggles’, he brought him on, just after half-time. Thanks! Most people would have rather he stayed there as they had better defender points on the bench; say, in one AWB (5)!
Whilst we’re on the subject of shithouses, Hodgson thought he’d play those clever people (me) that brought in Guaita (0) to cover for Patricio (0) like a fiddle. Guaita’s played twelve of the last thirteen games, he’s done extremely well, but oh no, let’s bring in (alleged) ‘Nazi-saluting’ Hennessey (3). FFUKing Thanks!
Despite Man City’s total dominance, which restricted Bournemouth to zero shots, zero corners and 18% possession their attacking assets FFUKing failed to deliver the haul of points we were all expecting.
On SUNDAY SUNDAY the FFUKing misery continued…
Leicester caused more discomfort. Those who brought in their players on the crest of a ‘new manager wave’ such as Maddison (2), Barnes (2) and Pereira (0) were left spitting FFUKing feathers.
Over in London, Sarri dropped Alonso (0) and benched David Luiz (0).
While up north, Liverpool’s attacking assets Firmino (1), Salah (3) & Mane (3) all blanked (again) against the Mighty Everton.
Apologies, for the torrent of F-Bombs – I’m angry and frustrated, this GW and my ‘dirty-protest’ will be hard to recover from!
I’ve also just finished watching Wolf of Wall Street, which has the third highest F-count of all films. 569 in fact, which is one every 3 minutes and 16 seconds to be FFUKing precise!
I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to keep it up? Fear not though, I going to give it a FFUKing good try!! 😉
Now, isn’t about time we got onto the failed superhero that is Captain-Pain?
Reading this will either make you raise the White Flag or your eyes bleed!
The top 4 FFUK Captain picks by three-quarters of managers were massive FFUKing fails!
More Plop-Pog than Top-Pog, Pogba (-1) let the 28% of people who gave him the armband down with a YC and penalty miss.
Aguero (2) fared poorly for the 20% who picked him, with little to show for his endeavours.
Short on form and confidence, Salah (3) did nothing to justify his 16% selection.
Whilst fourth most selected with 7%, was stuttering Sterling (3).
All pretty high tariff players. Is it time to dare & ditch??
Salah is the big talking point. 21 points in his last six games is a world away from the 64 points he scored in the six games previous to that! Selling the highest value player in the entire game could release valuable millions for someone providing better returns.
Let’s now lower that White Flag; fold it away nicely or put it back on the bed (depending on whether you’re a shitter or not) and flip to the positives of the GW (as there are a few) and drop the potty-mouth (F-Bombs)!
No one died (that I’m aware of), which has to be considered encouraging!
Some players also scored handsomely!
Most though aren’t owned by many!
Stat of the Day
Only five of the top twenty-five highest scoring players this GW had an ownership of over 10%.
This means not many people had high scoring players, hence the low scores! The FPL average score was 40!
Those five more commonly owned & noteworthy players were Jimenez (12), Alexander-Arnold (9), Zaha (9), Alison (8) & Van Dijk (8).
Others did well but due to their low ownership aren’t going to get a mention!
Top scorer in The FFUK League was Adam Wilkinson (74th) with 71 points.
He must be flying a celebrational flag right now, like an immigrant who has successfully made the 3,000-mile boat trip to the UK and is now adequately housed and on full benefits!!
Adam used his WC Chip to great effect bringing in three Liverpool defensive assets. Captain Hazard (6 x 2) also helped bring him success. Well done fella!
The only other player to break into the seventies bracket was Nathan Boucher (202nd) who scored precisely 70 points! Rice (15), Jimenez (12) and Higuain (8) were his significant point’s providers.
Top scorer in the top 50 was Lewis Bell (12th) with 62 points.
Unlike in my bowels there was little movement in the top 10!
The top three remain unchanged – Jordan Davison (1st), John Harper (2nd), Nick Johns (3rd).
Spare a thought for Tina Whitehouse (34th) who after her ‘hit’ scored just 11 points!
Her team of: –
Foster (2), Robertson (5), Shaw (1), Doherty (1), Richarlison (1), Salah (3), Mkhitaryan (1), Pogba (-2), Milivojevic (2), Rashford (2), Aubameyang (-1)
On paper, is pretty darn good! FPL can be so cruel!
Now onto The Conts mini-league…
It wasn’t really that close this week. Lowest points scorer and the next one to be removed from the League is Neil Stewart (26th) who scored 26 points. His team is littered with low-scoring players and misfortune, there’s no point even trying to dissect it!
That leaves 11 players, what an apt number!
Suitably ‘managing’ transfers and Chips over the forthcoming double and blank GW’s will surely decide the fate of many Conts…
… probably not Paul ‘hit me baby one more time’ Browne (220th) though!! 😉
And finally, MR FEBRUARY of FFUK Manager of the Month Calendar goes to Mark James (73rd) who scored 312 points. For all the MOTM so far this season click here
Mark held off fierce competition from Jordan Davison (1st) and John Harper (2nd) to claim the accolade and more importantly, prize money!
We must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and go again – it’s only a game of a game after all!
Until the next GW…
Stu Allen (53rd)